Pamela Craven Davies

An artist based in North Yorkshire, England, at the moment painting in oils on canvas.

Big Challenges

Before I Before I start to write about where I am going with my MA, I would like to explain my big challenges. University was fun and exciting and relatively easy compared to what was to come next for me. I was in my prime, about to be married, about to have a baby, graduating all at the age of 30 and I felt good. My husband and I moved up to Yorkshire to be close to my family and my routes. I had been awarded a grant from the Princes Trust to set up my own studio in Stained Glass. We converted the cellar into a studio space and bought a kiln from Bradford. I was naïve when it came to electricity and asked for a kiln I could use at home. Domestic not Commercial, I knew that much. Well as it happens I was sold what is called a 3 phase electric kiln which cannot be used in a domestic property. I tried to exchange this from where I purchased it, but the man I bought it from, who had a large glass product shop in Bradford, was so rude, even nasty to me would not let me exchange it. I went to small claims court, and they knew of this man but apparently made it clear that I would not be able to exchange it or get a refund as he works at the courts as a magistrate. The best thing for me to do was to sell the kiln on, which I did to Harrogate College. I had plans to perhaps buy another one, but obviously from someone else. But unfortunately life has a different plan. I was pregnant again at the time, and this problem with the kiln caused me so much stress. I have to write about what happened next because its now so much part of who I am and why I do things, it has shaped me perhaps more than anything. Its perhaps too long to write about here right now in depth but briefly my next child was born with what is called a Vein of Galen Aneurysm. I think, like many, or most other mothers I am very intuitive, I knew something was wrong as soon as he was born. Yet it took 11 weeks to get a diagnosis. We had two years of hospital visits, consultations. 5 week long hospital stays in Paris during embolization operations may I call them. It was horrific, yet we didn’t save him and he passed away in my arms at the LGI. I could go into so much more detail, but for the sake of this blog and my art its here to explain why I have decided not to work for the last 12 years or so. I wanted to be with my other 2 children, a baby girl I had just 3 months before my son died, and my first born son aged 3. I tried working for a few years after but once I had the opportunity to stop I did. This experience and topic I am sure will have a part to play in my art work and something I may experiment with during this MA.

Now I get to the point why I think I have started the MA now, my first born son has reached 18 and left for University, I think I was grieving for the loss of his childhood that has gone too quick, the loss of wanting to look after him and be around him as much as possible, there is now no reason to be in the house as much, empty nest syndrome it is sometimes called, even though I have my daughter still at home, she is more independent and requires a different kind of attention and nurturing. They are different and I miss him. I want to use this energy and everything I have been through in my art work, there is still more to write about and use, but I will get to that later in my work as I develop but I think for now I need to learn how to use my experiences and grow artistically.

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